In “Generous Men,” Maria Balck narrates the harsh reality of life as a “sugar babe.” After a divorce that leads to a financial crisis, sugar dating becomes a last resort for Maria. She soon discovers that the sugar dating website is, in fact, a sex marketplace, and the author quickly finds herself in prostitution with a large number of sugar daddies. Read Robert Schenck’s review.
Book Review
How I Survived Generous Men – A Book about Sugar Dating
by Maria Balck
Ordberoende Förlag, Stockholm, 2024
When I received the book “Generous Men,” I was filled with anticipation. To a large extent, my expectations were met. The book is beautifully designed, and the majority of it consists of Maria Balck’s own account of her years as a sugar babe, a narrative that speaks the truth: the sugar dating site is intended for sexual exchanges, despite its appearance, which the author describes as “deceptively similar to a regular dating site.”
Balck’s story starts from a life crisis: divorce, a collapsed business, and subsequent homelessness. What the author refers to as a normal family life quickly deteriorates into misery. Balck then seeks help from the bank. She meets the local banker, Bank-Janne, who offers a mortgage in exchange for sex; thus, it becomes “the shed in the car for a while longer…” Balck also seeks support from the municipality. The budget advisor at the municipal office remarks, “You are still attractive enough for your age. The solution for you is to find a rich man who can pay for your life. You already have a few in your phone.” Sugar dating had already begun before she sought help from the municipality, as Balck had been completely open with the advisor. Instead of understanding and constructive advice, she received this verbal slap in the face.
After these descriptions of failed attempts to get help, the heart of the book begins – short chapters that recount her years as a sugar babe. Most sections describe a specific sugar daddy. We meet, for example, the odor daddy, the sushi daddy, and the torture cellar man. The men are individuals, but they are also strikingly similar. Everything in the so-called relationship is one-sided. When the author expects something in return, she is always disappointed. The only thing she receives is, at best, the money they agreed upon, often offered in a most disrespectful manner. The men consider themselves “generous.” Life is very dangerous for the sugar babe, as it is in all forms of prostitution.
The first contact with a sugar daddy is referred to by the men as “chemistry.” Here, men have “the opportunity to see and feel the product they wish to buy. They get to talk and try to understand how far she is willing to go and at what price. To propose an arrangement where ‘both parties win’, like a negotiation that ultimately always benefits the man. A natural power imbalance arises in a situation where one person pays another to perform something.” Pure prostitution, that is.
Violence escalates. The men and the text messages can appear at any time of day or night. Once, one of her sugar daddies surprises her with a group rape. There are two girls there who “were surely 20 years younger than I” (Balck is over 40 when this occurs, an older sugar babe than most. In 2022, she turned 50). About twenty men participate in the rape: “A jumble of hands, mouths, tongues over me, limbs being thrust in and out of my mouth, down my throat, things being pushed in and pulled out of me.” The chapter ends with a very sad realization: “Who the men were? I still do not know today.”
“Today, I live a normal family life again,” it states in the chapter that concludes the poignant first part of the book. Unfortunately, the chapter consists of only a single page. As a reader, I am both confused and disappointed. The help back to a “normal” life did not come from society but from someone she refers to as her “saving angel.” As a reader, I wonder: who is this angel? Is it a man, a woman, a therapist, a belief in God? I receive no further explanation until later when I read on the back cover of the book that it was therapy that enabled the author to move forward in life and eventually pursue gender studies. It is unfortunate that Falck chooses a cryptic way in the book to describe the help she received. There are several good examples of how women who have escaped prostitution have described their healing process (with maintained integrity, and often concisely). It is not only important for readers without personal experience of abuse to gain insight into the recovery process. The author also has a responsibility towards others who are or have been victims of abuse to at least mention something about the type of professional help she received.
The book concludes with Part 2, “Facts.” This is a factually written and easily readable section of the book that serves as an excellent complement to Balck’s personal story. It balances the book, and the distance can somewhat mitigate the reader’s sorrow and anger after engaging with the author’s vulnerable life as a sugar babe. Among other things, one can read about a Madame Le Fair who has shared her experiences as a trafficking victim, escort, and sugar babe. Maria Balck states: “Prostitution in all its forms is extremely dangerous for those who are subjected to it, and if one were to grade it based on her experiences, sugar dating is the most dangerous and heaviest variant.”
Thank you, Maria Balck, for sharing your story. It is important for many to read it. As you yourself write, “At the same time as you read the last lines here in my book, sugar daddies are writing their first lines to new girls. Just as they wrote to me.”
Two SVT series about sugar dating:
Sugarbabe (now only on Yle Arenan)
Buy My Panties (on SVT Play) (Note: Unavailable on SVT Play as of 27/11/2024)
In both of these series, the truth behind sugar dating becomes clear. Read Robert Schenck’s reviews of these series here.
