We must talk about pornography. We must talk about the normalization of how we talk about pornography, that it’s something “all guys do” and something you just have to accept. We must talk about, as a girlfriend, being naive when expressing that one’s boyfriend doesn’t consume pornography.
The average age of beginning to look at pornography today is 11.5 years for boys. It’s just a click away in their smartphones, and today contains more and more elements of rough violence. This results in boys early on getting the wrong picture of how sex looks like in real life and how the power in a relationship between women and men should be. Therefore, it’s important to, early on, talk to young people about pornography and Fair Sex – sex on equal terms.
Alice Fahlgren, Praktikant på RealStars
My name is Alice Fahlgren, and I will be an intern this fall here at Realstars. I have, as long as I can remember, been passionate about women’s rights issues and have emphasized the importance of raising these questions in an everyday context. Not being afraid of a bad mood is crucial if we’re to contribute to any kind of change. I think that how we talk about, for example pornography, is more crucial than we think. Here’s an example (that I have experienced on many occasions): Lisa is talking to her girlfriends, and they talk among other things about relationships and pornography. Lisa says. “My boyfriend Kalle has told me, he doesn’t watch pornography!” The reaction from her friends is often something like: “Of course he does, he’s a guy!”
According to the police Simon Häggström, the age of sex buyers has decreased in recent years. The average age of a sex-buyer has gone from 30-50 years to today, to boys and men the age of 15-20 years. He thinks pornography has a big part in this. Young men consuming pornography are at the risk of creating a crooked picture of what type of sex to expect of a sexual partner. When the partner isn’t up for it, they will turn to people that can’t say no and will instead buy a sexual act. They are in other words, paying to commit an assault. Everything to be able to realize the sexual fantasies that pornography has given them.
It’s important to change focus when talking about pornography. Let’s go back to the example, it would then be an alternative for Lisa’s friends to instead answer: “It’s good that Kalle’s not watching pornography, it’s harmful and can lead to warped notions about how sex really looks like.” If we continue to express the notion that “all guy’s consume pornography” then we’re also reproducing it.
We should have higher expectations of men and young boys. The assumption that all men consume pornography will in the end contribute to a norm for young men growing up today- that consuming pornography is equal to manliness and masculinity. I really don’t believe this is how it is, I think that many young men are in fact feeling bad about their consuming pornography and need help to get out of it.
Some positive news is what the government has decided about sexual education in school and this will come into force in 2022. The subject will have a new name, namely sexuality, consent and relations and will have an increased focus on among other things, consent, honor-related violence and oppression and also to teach students to critically view pornography and its content.